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Can a Long Distance Relationship Really Work?
What society says about it
A long distance relationship, statistically, shouldn’t work.
Many people will agree with that statistic enough to be skeptically when a relationship, as such, enters their lives.
They’re scared, can’t commit the effort, or don’t believe in that person enough to take the chance.
Now don’t get me wrong, a long distance relationship can be hard work. It was hard for both my wife and I, but we were both committed to making it work. Loving each other was enough for us to continue to pour effort in.
Don’t let statistics decide your life for you
When I met my wife she lived one-hundred miles away from me. Although that computes to roughly two hours of freeway driving, we never let that stop us. We commuted for a year and a half, and on several days a week. It never felt like a chore to us either. It was the one thing, I can honestly say, that I looked forward to most.
I remember driving home at 1:00 am sometimes, barely awake. I had to open the window, turn the music up very loud, or eat snacks to stay awake.
In the process of all the driving, I learned what love truly was, and how strong I felt that for her.
Because you’re putting in so much effort, it’s a different kind of relationship that you’ll experience, nothing like you’ve ever known before. There’s a passion that burns inside you for the other person.
Things will work if you want them to work
I’m a firm believer that if you truly want a relationship with someone to work, it will. Distance won’t be enough to deny any chemistry that lies between you two.
You’ll compromise on seeing your friends, cancel plans, or spontaneously take a trip to see the other person. It comes down to you making a choice.
A choice between risking everything, or doing what statistics say and accepting that it won’t work.
People will never understand why you’re doing what you’re doing and that’s okay. You don’t have to try to explain the feeling to them.
Only someone who is in a long distance relationship will understand.
You will come to a crossroad
In every long distance relationship you will come to a crossroad, where one of you will have to decide to make a compromise. Someone will have to move closer to continue to make the relationship work.
In most cases it’s an easy decision, one that you’ve both thought quite extensively about. You both often fantasize about it.
Moving closer is a big step because you may be leaving something behind in the process. Family, friends, a sense of comfort.
It is the riskiest move in the entire relationship, and unfortuneately, at this point everyone will think you’re absolutely crazy. Crazy for what you’re doing. Crazy for what you might be giving up to move.
When I moved to my wife, people thought I was crazy and that I wasn’t being realistic, but that never changed my mind. It was the best decision that I’ve ever made in my life.
Yes it can work
At the end of the day, a long distance relationship can work. Just remember these five points:
- Be open and honest with your partner
- Know what the next step in your relationship is
- Support each other when it’s difficult
- Put as much effort into the relationship as possible
and finally….
5. Don’t listen to other peoples opinions
All these points are reasons why you should not give up on someone who is a long distance away from you.
I never did, and on March 10th, 2019, after three years, I married my best friend.
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The Road to your Dreams
Achievement is a destination that we all wish to see.
We wish to achieve our goals and succeed in our dreams, but how do we get there?
The road to our dreams is not always an easy one. We get setback every time we take a step forward, but what if I was to tell you that’s normal?
The road to your dreams won’t always be paved with glory and riches. The road to your dreams has potholes, caution signs, and road washouts, but the destination will always be worth it.
One of these days you’ll look back and smile at the road behind you.
Let the world be your ocean, and your dreams be the ship you sail on.
Rejection is the first step to success
Rejection is inevitable.
You record your debut song, finish the first draft of your novel, or your finish the first cut of you film only to be pulled apart by vultures and rejected. Rejection is the worst feeling you can experience, especially when you put your art out there, but never allow rejection to hinder you.
Every great person in history has faced rejection or opposition. It’s only natural for someone to oppose your dreams.
Martin Luther King Jr faced opposition from those who believed segregation was lawful. His goal was for every man, regardless of color, to have equal rights, and he fought for that. He spent time in jail, and died for that dream. Now, I’m not saying you need to do the same. This is an extreme case but it’s one to recognize. If someone could achieve something so incredible, then why can’t you?
You can, and you need to convince every single person you know, that you know what you’re doing, even if you don’t. Fake it until you make it. You need to sell your dreams to others so that they buy into that vision.
The journey is just as important as the destination
You’ve probably heard a million times that, “the journey is just as important as the destination.” It’s a phrase that people say to set realistic expectations, fearing that the destination will be a letdown once reached.
As an avid hiking, I can empathize with that statement.
I’ve pictured many hikes in my head ending in perfect sunsets and stunning views, only to end in an anticlimactic way. It’s disheartening, but that’s life. Surprisingly, those anticlimactic hikes have always had the best journeys. Including the best conversations, the best occurrences, and the deepest meanings. When you weigh the positives of the journey, it greatly out weighs the negatives of the destination.
Regardless, welcome every minute you spend trying to achieve your goals as a friend. Smile at the whole picture. Remember that it always takes time to get where you’re going. It’s never an occurrence that happens overnight.
Welcome caution signs
People will try to warn you of the road ahead. They will go as far as to persuade you to turn back before it’s too late. They’ve tried to do the same things that you’re doing, and had no success doing it. So they believe it’s an impossible feat of man to accomplish.
Listening to caution signs can always be very helpful. They’re wise lessons to keep in our minds, but don’t let that halt your ship. When someone offers their stories of defeat, listen, and pass on. Anything can be achieved merely with a shift of perspective.
Perspective is everything, and having fresh set of eyes seeing a dream come to life is the best perspective you can have.
Never let the dream die
Never, never, never, ever let the dream die.
If something doesn’t work, try a different approach.
If you’re not reaching the audience you want, try a different tactic.
When things feel routine, change it up. Make sure things remain fresh.
And when you don’t believe you can, have someone around to encourage you otherwise.
If we all have one life to live, then we should really live the life we want to.
So remember, never let the dream die.
Never.
Ever.
Paradise is on the horizon.
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What’s it Like Being a Twin?
Life as a twin is one of the coolest things. You’re born with a natural best friend and you get to grow up and experience life together. I’m so thankful to be a twin. Life was much easier in many ways for me, and although I’ve never really thought about the advantages and disadvantages until now, I’m still very grateful.
My story
I am the oldest of a set of fraternal twins, born on March 28th. I am five minutes older than my brother, who will tell you that doesn’t count.
We both were born with drastically different features. On the outside, we have different hair color, eye color, and skin tones. On the inside, we’re two completely different people with polar opposite minds.
Just a side note, being twins at birth, doesn’t mean that they’re similar in everything. Twins are just as different as siblings born years apart.
Naturally, we had different interests and hobbies. These differences have carried on into our adult lives, as we both have pursued completely different career paths. I’m a white-collar worker and he is a blue-collar worker.
I think the hardest thing for many people to understand about twins is their differences. Growing up, my brother and I were looked at as the same from many people, and that was always aggravating to the both of us. Although we share this unique bond, we are still two individual people.
Afraid to be different
Twins are compared to each other all throughout their life.
We wore the same outfits, had the same haircuts, and maybe that’s just out of practicality for our parents sake, but it was damaging to live up to the comparison.
Always having a friend
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Social Anxiety
Medical Definition of social anxiety
: a form of anxiety that is brought about by social situations (such as meeting strangers, dating, or public speaking) in which embarrassment or a negative judgment by others may occurWe’ve all been there before. The uneasy feeling you get when you step into a social setting. You become hot unexpectedly, a sweat starts from your brow, and you feel like you could puke at any moment.
Technology has partially attributed to the birth of social anxiety. Currently, we live in the dawn of an age, where sitting behind our screens creates an environment where we don’t have to be face to face for social occasions.
How Social Anxiety has affected me
For much of my life, I’ve suffered from social anxiety. The oldest memory that I can associate with it would be in primary school. Primary school introduced me to the idea of girls and dating. I wasn’t very social, and when girls approached me, I’d run away.
During high school and college, I came to a major crossroads. I needed to either overcome it or keep making up excuses. Occasionally there were times where I did overcome it, but more often than not, I ran away from it. Making excuses to leave class early so I wouldn’t have to participate in group projects became normal for me. I went as far as avoiding classes that I knew would force me into those situations.
After college, I believed that phase was over, because like every other person says, “it’ll go away eventually, don’t worry.” But I’ll tell you right now, it’s not that easy and it doesn’t just go away.
At work, meetings are a nightmare for me. I dread them, and I think sometimes my peers know that. From the moment I walk into the conference room, I have to calm myself down and act like someone that I’m not. Someone who is a social butterfly and participates well in a group setting. It’s extremely hard for me to do.
I perceive social anxiety not only being the feeling that one would experience when they’re in a social setting, but also the feeling of watching people in that setting socialize. You can start to analyze their every movement and their speech patterns to the point where it makes you cringe. “Turning off” your ears becomes the only obvious thing that you can do, but people start to notice you.
Above all, I think, social anxiety could be related to a place of belonging. I’ve never felt like I belonged in various social settings, with work being the most obvious one.
Where do you go from here
So how do I combat my social anxiety? By a very slow process of putting myself in uncomfortable situations. Sounds counterproductive right? But it’s the only way to ease my nerves about it. By volunteering to be social rather than be forced to, I’ve made significant progress in moving past the social anxiety that I’ve experienced much of my life.
Basically, in some cases, social anxiety can become a lot my manageable if you want it to be. In the process, you discover a confidence that you never knew you could have, and find people who understand how you feel.
If I’m to give any advice, it would be patience and trust. Be patient with others who have social anxiety and trust that others aren’t out to embarrass you. Although siblings and family will always do just that.
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Let’s Talk About How You Can Accomplish More
Eliminate Distractions
I think the easiest way to accomplish more, is to start by eliminating distractions. This could be your cell phone, social media, and/or people. Notifications on your cell phone are extremely tempting, and with the “phantom vibration” phenomenon, it only adds to that temptation. Focus on the bigger picture. Your goals are something you want to accomplish for a reason. Only hard work without distractions can get you there.
Block out dedicated time
Blocking out a section of the day where you strictly work on projects is important. Turn on some mood setting music, pour so nice tea and find a comfortable place to work. Just make sure when you’re in your niche, that nothing interrupts it. Focus on what’s in front of you, not what’s around you. I accomplish so much more when I block out a regular period of time to write, read, or research. It’s refreshing and I look forward to it with great excitement.
Set direct goals
Having a goal may seem like a lot, but when it’s broken down into smaller, much more manageable goals, it becomes much easier to achieve. Have a plan. If your goal is to write a book, start with 1,000 words a day. (That’s 36,500 words a year). If you can write more, do so. If you can’t write that many, write less. Just make sure you stick to achieving some kind of goal related to the bigger picture. It’s easier to take small steps up a grand staircase, then it is to scale the side with a rope.
Find an ideal support system
One of the things that’s most important, is to find others who encourage your goals. You can achieve more, when others encourage and support you. The feeling of someone journeying with you to the end result is a lot better than traveling the road alone. I know it isn’t always possible to have a great support system, but only one person is truly needed for this principle to help you.
Understand that all good things take time
Nothing happens overnight, all good things take time. Famous authors, actors, etc weren’t successful in a day. They struggled and they were rejected. Keep your eyes on the horizon. All the stressful nights of no sleep, hard work, and painfully trying to pull something out of your brain will pay off eventually. Just never give up. View any kind of rejection or disapproval as a learning experience to get better. People are honest, and sometimes that honesty hurts. But you’d rather someone let you early that your works terrible, then when it’s too late.
Keep rejection as the fuel to your fire. It will burn much hotter, and the train will eventually move quicker.
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Here’s Why You Should Follow Your Dreams
Advice to give you a soft, but firm, kick in the behind.
***Disclaimer. I am not self-employed (my dream), but I have a strong passion to be. Currently, I’m employed with a state agency, and boy, it’s not what I imagined it would be. Please read carefully and DO NOT follow in my footsteps. This is a warning to you.***
What we’re told as children growing up
Growing up, you’re told by many adults that you need to study hard so that you can get a good job. A job that can afford you a nice big house and a brand new car. This often means putting huge amounts of effort into college, and paying even larger sums of money to afford that college. Very rarely are you told by your high school professor or guidance counselor to follow your dreams, to chase your passion, and to never give up on it. From my experience, the happiest people do just that.
I remember growing up having all these fantastic day dreams of big things, and there was always a teacher to put that back into “reality.” “Now, lets be realistic,” they’d say. Never words of encouragement, but the truth is, encouragement is far and few between.
What do you do for people with vivid dreams?
Whenever you have a friend, sister, brother, daughter, son, whatever, who wants to achieve something enormous with their lives, encourage it. Encourage it, so that they have at least one person supporting them. Talk out their plans with them, give them the resources to move forward when you can, and most importantly, be there when they don’t even believe in themselves. Self doubt can be a pin in anyones dream balloon.
I’m always fascinated when someone tells me about their passion. Sometimes, it’s something you’d never expect from that person, but it always says a lot about who they really are on the inside. That’s what intrigues me most. Seeing people the way they truly want to be seen by the world.
Now, if these people are a bit odd or seem off, it’s because their brains are always elsewhere. When I’m at work, I’m constantly thinking of my new creative adventure. I’m scribbling things down on random bits of paper, sneaking to read a section in a book while my boss isn’t looking, or publishing these blog posts when my boss calls out sick for the day. Sounds very incriminating, but it’s true. I’ve been bitten by a bug and I’m infected with a creative mind, that hates office distractions.
We turn into window watchers, eventually
I’m not saying that working for someone else is a bad thing. There are folks who enjoy that, and all the bliss and happiness for those of you. What I am saying though, in a round about way, is that it can be depressing for most. These people often sit and look out the window of their cubicle and wonder what life is like out there. It’s a foreign place, that needs exploring. I day dream for hours about what’s going on out my window. I am convinced that I’m letting life pass me by, without doing my part it in. It’s the worst feeling to be honest.
Succeed for yourself, not others
If you’ve worked for a company for any length of time, you’ve invested your hard work and success into that company. Twenty years with a company could result in a great amount of profit for that business, and it’s because of you. What if you were to have put that same amount of effort in your own company? What if that twenty years of hard work, went into your dreams? Don’t you think you would be happy? You could really be something out there.
We should all follow the things that drive us with the same amount of effort that we give to our everyday jobs. The returns are higher, and the investments pay off more. I hate to be the one to tell you this, but you’re only valuable to the company when you’re successful at your job. If you aren’t successful, then a replacement seems to be the next course of action. Crazy concept right? I’m sure you already know this, but it’s worth reminding you. We’re just bodies, not people.
Following what you’re passionate about will save you from a life of unfulfilling memories. You will no longer have to wait until you’re in retirement, which is like seventy years old these days, to do the things you wanted to do, or see the things you’ve always dreamed of seeing.
The folks who have retired in my office always seem to have a list about a mile long of things they want to do, and they always say that they don’t have enough time to do them all. They always say, “I wished I would have done these things when I was younger,” or “I’m to old to do these things anymore.”
Humans have life all messed up. We should be enjoying life when our bodies allow us to and not after we retire which is when it’s too late. Working for another person can drain us of the freedom to complete this goal entirely. Now why would we want to let that happen? Simple, we ARE OWNED by our employers. Owned, because without them, we couldn’t survive. It’s a sad statement, but it’s true.
Be the real you, today
All of these points are hopefully enough for you to see why it’s so important to follow your dreams. Become a dreamer. The sky is the limit, the world is your playground. Pat yourself on the back and really go for something. If you only have one life to live, you should start living it now, before it’s too late. Although I’m twenty-two, I feel as if lots of valuable time has slipped through my fingers. I guess I have a lot of catching up to do.
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Maple Leaf
As we glided through the wind stricken seas, our target came nearer. The maple leaf we were headed, for a relaxing weekend amongst kinder folk.
The vessel that we voyaged on was stuffed from stern to bow. So crowded that it resembled the lines of a soup kitchen. The sea is an interesting concept.
As much as it allows you the safe passage to cross over it, it can easily as much deny that request. My fear of water stems as a younger boy when water tried to invade my lungs. On several occasions this happened. Being on water always gives me fear. Perhaps it was some type of warning of what was to come. Perhaps I’m over thinking it. A skill that I know all too well.
The leaf was foreign to us. This was the first trip of what I expect to be many. Although such time doesn’t allow for it.
The wind began to pick up as we entered port. The chatter of nerves and excitement quickly would drown that out. As a hand clasped that of my own, it was our turn to depart. Where we were head? We didn’t know yet. So many lavish and extraordinary options but one seemed to rise over all others, food.
We found ourselves in the wooden seats of The Sticky Wicket Pub. Where we chowed down the simple yet tasteful food and washed it down with fine dark ale. This was but only the beginning of our Maple Leaf Adventure and so far we were both quite pleased.
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Oh Mountain
As we ascended the ridge line, the peak of the mountain came nearer, just within our grasp. We crossed three flat stones that laid over a quaint stream. A foreshadow of what was to come before us.
Frozen lake; a lake covered by a sheet of solid ice. The blues echoed off the ice when the sun broke through the clouds effortlessly. Never have I seen such an image in the flesh. Transfixed, I wondered why such perfect creations had been hidden from me for so long.
The wildlife that dwelled here found their courage as they emerged from their homes and greeted us with curiosity and ambition. A silver fox, a mountain mouse, and a mountain-munk. They were rather playful in their own nature. Something one might not expect in this cruel world.
Now, as it were, the surrounding mountains were just as imperative to this view as was the attraction itself. They huddled around their mother like new born pups.
I believe that the true crime when visiting a mountain of title, is to not recognize the landscape that supports it. Each flower, tree, and stone is placed in such a way that it gives beauty to it’s mother. A relationship like so can only exist in nature. It is the purest form of bliss that one can view. I know that I was truly at peace with the sight of it.
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Glass and Salt
As we drove to the salt-flooded waters of glass, I wondered something of depth. We’re all only as strong as the fragile things that hold us together. An inadequate coffee is the difference between a good day or a bad one. A simple hello makes the world spin on it’s axis.
Today, of all days, I experienced this. A simple gesture of gratuity was all it took to make my day. She told me the words and my heart was satisfied. Although the air was harsh and often filled with the very glass on which we stood, with you near me, each breath grew effortlessly.
The sound of her laughter filled the air as children ran by in pursuit of one another. This was a place for families and memories. For dogs to play fetch and parents to complain about the lack of their child’s ability to listen.
All these things I eagerly awaited. Finally, experiencing the most rewarding part of this simplicity, the plunge of the sun into the ocean.
The sky was filled with a child’s dream, cotton candy. And with an arm around my better half, we stood and watched as the day came to a pleasant close. Remembering that life is too fragile without the things that hold us together.
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Café Day Dream
As the clock inched closer to five, my stomach filled with bubbles. Off to see you I was. A long and tiring day at the office makes me what to take refuge in your arms.
When I arrived to your dwelling, I found myself rescued, as your arms squeezed around me like vines on a tree. A kiss on the cheek erased the stress and I was accompanied by a four-lettered word which made me feel happiness once more. A power in which you hold over me. Almost like a monopoly over my happiness, who knew you were such a wall street woman?
Anyways, those statements proceed me. We stopped in a moment to sit in silence. You rolled over and we conversed about our future and contemplated what road you should travel. Unfortunately I was at a loss of instruction. What if I am to give bad council? I have not figured out my own path, let alone that of the bigger picture.
I write only to keep back the creative fires that burn within. Whether I am to keep this as a hobby or turn this into a stable career is an unfathomable thought.
Coincidentally, I have this reoccurring dream in my head that ponders me. It goes like this; together we sit in a café in Italy. I’ve just finished my newest book and you’ve accepted a job offer regarding natural medical practices. We have a beautiful daughter who is munching on a pastry. When her mouth clears, she asks “what it is like to live in America?” We both exchange a smile. We are much older and haven’t been in quite a long time. You wink your eye and I know that we are still as much in love as we were before.
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Alexander Richter 